I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
