i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
