he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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