I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
