Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
