Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found your dick twin last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am one with the molecules
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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