Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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