Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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