she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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