Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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