i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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