I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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