Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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