i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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