I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
