Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
