and she was petting her beer can
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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