hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
third nipple confirmed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
