shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
