I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
