if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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