you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
