YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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