My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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