I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
