she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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