My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
