i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize