I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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