If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
