Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
