how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
