Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
