lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
