I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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