So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
