so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize