why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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