can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
