What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
