Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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