i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
