My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
