OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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