Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
