I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
