five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
