Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
