I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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