I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
