I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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