I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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