i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
