Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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