why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
