from now on my penis is your penis
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize