Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
