just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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