That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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