She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
