My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
