Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
