No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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