my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
two words...techno handjob
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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