He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
